apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
