its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
