Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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