Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
