did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
