we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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