She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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