started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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