he thought i was a dude.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
