my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
