I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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