I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
