dude i'm inner monologue high
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My penis needs a shock collar
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
