Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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