My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
