we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
