Come see our sink grown plant.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
