Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
