end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
