idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
