as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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