a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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