yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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