uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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