I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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