its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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