don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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