I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
