So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
