He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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