You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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