They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
