There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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