what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
