I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He passed out mid-signature
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
