Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
