I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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