living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
