Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
