she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
