I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i drank out of a bidet.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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