My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We left an ass print on the piano.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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