Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just sucked dick on a ferry
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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