dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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