why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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