I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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