Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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