The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
