so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
