I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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