thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
