He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
