This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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