I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
