found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
