Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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