there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
