I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
