i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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