why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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