hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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