i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
