did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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