Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
