Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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