The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
