Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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