he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
