I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
