I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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