I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
