It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
