life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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