Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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