I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
