The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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