smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
